Monthly Archives: March 2009

The Secret Nuances of Being a Good Parent

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parenting6 The Secret Nuances of Being a Good Parent


We have been told so often about the common mistakes that parents make when raising children that very often the all important question of being a good parent is sidelined. After all, there is a subtle yet important difference between the two that should not be ignored. Many parents focus so much on trying to avoid the pitfalls of parenting that they become negligent to the good aspects of parenting.

The fact of the matter is that being a good parent comes instinctively to some people. However, the good news is that wonderful parenting is an art which can be learned and so there is no need to worry unduly about it. The first behavioral trait you will find in good parents is their complete lack of presumption. So many people feel that they know what is best for their children. The problem with such thinking is that it limits the ability to be original and deal with the problems of your children intelligently.

Having experienced the traumas of childhood first-hand does not ensure that you have all the answers in your kitty. Being a good parent means that you take the changing times into account and understand that a comparison of your childhood with that of your children can never be fair. The problems that plague and bother your child today will definitely be different from what you faced when you were a child.

Today, children mature a lot faster than we did when we were kids. For us, childhood was a relatively slow-paced affair while for today’s young generation things change everyday and keeping pace with life poses a whole new set of challenges that we as parents are not aware of. Being a good parent means that all outdated comparisons have to be dispensed with.

One of the most common problem parents’ face in present times is their children’s ever-increasing demand for expensive shoes or clothes or other gadgets which their friends possess. Many parents feel that their children are being insensitive and callous and do not wish to pamper them by giving into these demands. Being a good parent does not mean that you buy things for your child which you cannot afford to in the first place. However, dismissing all demands by assuming that your child is acquisitive is also not the right thing to do.

Try and empathize with your child in situations like these rather than being judgmental. Understand that these demands are prompted because of the possessions of other kids in school. Your child desires the same objects as he does not want to feel excluded or inferior to others. At this juncture, a practical gesture would be to talk to your child and broaden his horizon of thinking. Even if he is young, you can bring about the awareness that material possessions do not determine superiority or inferiority and what truly sets a person above the rest is his humane and sympathetic nature.

Your child might not take to this idea like a fish takes to water, as it will be a different way of looking at life for him but he will definitely value this sooner or later. Infusing this belief also does not mean that you never buy the expensive things that your child wants. Wherever you feel that the demand is justified or that an occasional spending spree is not a problem, you can be an extravagant parent. This way you are being a good parent along with having a pragmatic approach towards life.

One of the secrets of being a good parent is to watch the facial expressions of your child when he communicates with you as well as with other people around him. This will tell you a lot more than just listening to what your child says. Many children do not reveal their true feelings verbally as they have their own inhibitions. Being alert to facial expressions and gestures is a good way of accessing your child’s inner thoughts and emotions. Along with this, be a good listener to your child and devote quality time where you discuss not only his school and friends but other areas of interest that both of you have. After all, the metamorphosis of the child into a friend is the most desired gift to any parent.

Another great way of being a good parent is to participate actively in parent evenings. Your avid interest will be a great encouragement for your child to perform better and you will also get to know of his development in studies and other extra-curricular activities. Today, many parents are unable to help children with their school work as this necessitates some amount of computer literacy as well as knowledge of current teaching trends.

In case you have time on your hands as a parent, you could polish your computer skills and read up on teaching methods so that you can give a helping hand when necessary. Learning computer skills from your children might also be a good way of allowing the fun element into your relationship. There is even a possibility that your child admires your honest admission of ignorance in something that he/she is good at and takes a real interest in educating you. There are a lot of parents who feel the need to portray themselves as all-knowing and superior. There is no need to do so. On the contrary, your child will respect you all the more if you admit that there are certain things that you also find difficult to grasp rather than judging you as imperfect.

Even though being involved with your child’s school activities is commendable, being a good parent means that you have to keep your eyes open for your child’s reaction to your interest in their studies. Some children are perfectly capable of handling their curriculum by themselves and your zeal may be misconstrued as interference. In such cases, it is better to back off and provide help only when asked.

Many parents are paranoid about the times we live in and the issue of safety that has been so blatantly threatened by it. In a bid to shield their children, they try and set limits that are not age-appropriate. Children react adversely to this as they perceive it to be manipulative and controlling behavior on the part of their parents. One of the most important lessons you have to learn on the way of being a good parent is that coddling your children never works and your children will even start rejecting sensible and practical advice on your part so as to assert their freedom. So, beware of this tendency.

To sum it up, the whole crux of being a good parent is to accept your children as individuals who have their likes and dislikes as well as their strengths and weaknesses and respect them for what they are rather than what you would like them to be. Doing so will guarantee that not only are you a good parent, but your children are also great children to have.


Vacation Tours For Single-Parent Families – Examine Available Options

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parenting10 Vacation Tours For Single Parent Families Examine Available Options


Single parents can get overwhelmed with the heavy load of responsibility and time demands that come with being the only adult in a family. Concerns about money, child rearing, and personal health loom large, and single parents may neglect their own personal needs for relaxation and fun.

If you’re a single parent feeling weighed down by too much to do and not enough time, maybe it’s time for you to think about taking a vacation tour for single-parent families. Everyone needs the occasional vacation, and single parents are no exception to the rule.

A vacation tour for single-parent families offers time to refresh and restore your mind and body and opportunities to get closer to your children in a new environment. It’s a family adventure you’ll share for years to come.

Single parents have their burdens, and children in single-parent families have their own problems, too. They often feel neglected or abandoned by a busy single parent that has to go to work and care for the household. They get little bits of time from their parent and sometimes end up spending much of their time with other caretakers. A vacation tour for single-parent families gives them the chance to be with their single parent in a whole new way.

Vacation tour for single-parent families help you rebuild strained relations with your children. You won’t be answering those phone calls from the boss, meeting with professional colleagues or your kids’ teachers, and you won’t have to deal with the thousands of daily interruptions that keep you and your children at odds.

The community of single-parent families is growing so rapidly that most travel agencies have vacation tours specifically for single-parent families. They’ll arrange for travel by train, plane, or cruise ship and help your family comply with international travel requirements when necessary.

Of course, you can’t just pick up and go for vacation tour for single-parent families. You’ll need to plan your vacation several months in advance to get the best prices and accommodations. A good rule of thumb is to book your vacation tour for single-parent families at least two months before the departure date.
If you don’t have passports or visas, you’ll need to allow a little more time for government processes to work to assure you have the necessary papers. Your travel agent should be able to tell you what the country you’re visiting requires and help you get the paperwork started. If you’re using a travel agent who specializes in vacation tours for single-parent families, they should be able to help you with almost everything you’ll need including travel, hotel accommodations, tickets to special events and entertainment areas, and restaurants that cater to children.

Of course, vacation tours for single-parent families are available within the United States where you don’t have to worry about passports and visas. They’re easier to plan and don’t take as much lead time for reservations.

Wherever you decide to go, you can learn a lot about your destination by visiting the official website and travel-related sites that contain information and travel reviews that will help you figure out what you want to do when you get there. You can also give the country’s consulate a call to get more information about what to see and do, and letting them know you’re a single parent with children may be helpful.

Travel agencies who specialize in vacation tours for single-parent families should be more aware and considerate of your special needs than other agencies. They should understand your time constraints and relieve you of as much of the planning as possible. They should also be experienced working with children on vacation tours for single-parent families.

Some large corporations are sponsoring vacation tour for single-parent families in their company. They may offer the trip as a bonus for outstanding performance or as a special incentive for future performance. If you work at a large corporation, you might check with the personnel office to see if your company has or is planning this great service.

Signing up for a vacation tour for single-parent families is the best favor you can do for yourself and your kids. You all cope with stresses and pressures every day. You more than deserve a quality break, you need it!

Taking the kids on a vacation tour for single-parent families gives you all healthy sunshine and fresh air, brings you together as a family, and gives you memories that will last a lifetime.


Parenting: Mission Possible

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parenting48 Parenting: Mission Possible


 

“As parents, what’s really our role?”

I asked a group of parents during my lecture on family and emotional intelligence. Each one had an opinion about children and parenting.

“Feed them,” said one. “Clothe them,” said another. Soon, others shared their ideas.

“Love them.”

“Provide a comfortable home.”

“Discipline them.”

“Give them toys.”

“Great!” I said. “But why do you have to feed them, love them, shelter them, discipline them, and clothe them?” Then I paused and gave them some time to think.

“For what?”

Most parents knew the answer but nobody could articulate their thoughts. A long silence followed my question and that was the most deafening silence I experienced in a while. As I glanced at the audience, everyone avoided eye contact and distressed about the possibility of being called.

I love to pose this question. As you know, parents and children have different roles. On one hand, parents have the primary obligation to provide a safe, loving, and motivating environment. On the other hand, children are tasked to learn as much as possible from their parents. Unfortunately in some families, parents and children switch roles, that is, some parents act like children, and vice versa.

“Why?” I threw the question again hoping that someone would have the courage to share ideas.

After a long, uncomfortable pause, a woman in her thirties responded, “Because we want them to do the same thing to their own children.” A man in red shirt followed, “Because that’s the right thing to do.” A young parent in her twenties said, “So they can become successful.”

No question, all parents are right. But parenting is not just about leaving a legacy or doing the right thing or showering love and comfort. Sure, it’s great to do all these. But if we only focus on them, we’re missing an important point.

Our role as parents is to raise our kids so they can expand their positive influence.

In essence, we should provide the necessary environment so they can appreciate and nurture what they have, and love who they are. Our goal is to let them share their strengths to make this world a better place for others.

Indeed, our purpose is to establish the right atmosphere so they can make a difference and find their rightful place in this wonderful creation.

Perhaps you’ll question my premise and declare it as simply ramblings of a shrink. But let me ask you these:

What’s the use of having a comfortable home when kids can’t appreciate what they have, when they complain and whine as often as they blink?

What’s the use of giving them expensive toys when they can’t even lift a finger to wash the dishes and are too bored to use and share their talents and skills?

What’s the use of giving them unconditional love when they don’t share their love to others?

Parenting is a special mission, not just a chore. It is a noble undertaking, not just a mindless task. It is the only calling that consistently develops future teachers, builders, creators, innovators, discoverers, healers, caretakers, artists, ministers, and many more.

Parenting is like gardening. Like any dedicated gardeners, we ensure that plants bloom in summer and withstand the harsh winter. For plants to thrive, they need our frequent attention and focus, and require adequate supply of fertilizer, sunshine, and water. Moreover, they need protection from sneaky weeds that leisurely devour the nutrients necessary for their growth.

The Holy Creator gave us this awesome responsibility to nurture a child for His own purpose. It’s an honor to have a task of this magnitude. We’re in this earth temporarily so we should be serious about fulfilling this splendid role.

As Kahlil Gibran, a renowned philosopher, said, “Your children are not your children. . . They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. . .You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth . . .”

Yes, our children are not ours. They are God’s children with a special mission called Operation: Progress Earth. As parents, our solemn duty is to help them accomplish their divine assignment.


Effective Parenting Training

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parenting23 Effective Parenting Training


A parent, whether single or with a partner, is often blamed for anything that goes wrong with their children. Blame for the perceived wrongdoings of our children is probably one of the hardest burdens that we as parents have to carry.

The truth is that parents these days are time poor and their children are, more than ever before, influenced by many powerful outside sources. Most parents are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have. For the majority of people, this knowledge is based on how they were parented themselves. But times have changed, what worked for their parents and for them as children may not work now for their own families. Many people find that relying on what they learned from their own experience isn’t sufficient.

With just about everything that we do in life, we learn from our ‘mistakes’. Some of our mistakes are easy to move on from, others can last a lifetime and cause untold heartache.

Most people are born with parental instincts so parenting does come naturally to a certain extent. But who among us can say that they have not made mistakes? The evidence of some of our hasty parenting decisions can be in the form of defiant, uncommunicative or sullen children and teenagers, and these mistakes are not easy to live with.

Is there a better way? Yes, there is. Learning to become an effective parent can save a great deal of heartache.

Effective parenting is a learned skill and like just about everything else that we do, the more we practice effective parenting techniques, the better and more effective we become at parenting.

Effective parenting training gives us a better understanding of the complexities of our family, the pressures that our children face in the modern school setting, and the added pressure from part time work that many young people experience. It teaches us how to listen, understand and communicate with our children so that we do not make things worse, whilst still understanding that every child, family and situation is unique.

Can effective parenting training (EPT) help?

In short, effective parenting training takes some of the guess work out of parenting and provides strategies and tools that can be used to create a more harmonious home. If things are pretty good at home, proactive parenting is even better.
* EPT gives parents the opportunity to stop and look at their home situation from a different perspective. What were your goals when you started your family? EPT is a big step towards achieving those goals.

* EPT can help parents identify if they are working with or against each other. How do they reach consensus?

* EPT provides guidelines for putting things into order at home – creating a ‘bottom line’, revisiting values and establishing rules, boundaries and consequences. This step alone is critical. Too many rules become unworkable but rules and boundaries provide a baseline for the whole family and a structure with foundations for feeling safe with everyone knowing what is expected of them.

* Rules, boundaries and structure are meaningless to children and teenagers without loving, sincere and effective communication. EPT will teach parents how to listen and communicate effectively rather than inflaming situations.

* EPT will assist parents in understanding what their children need to experience in order to feel loved. Most parents do try to show their love but do not understand that what is perceived as love to one person may be quite different to another.

* Parents will understand how their children learn. Once again, because we are unique individuals, we all learn differently. This understanding can provide the parent untold and unique opportunities to help their children gain confidence at school.

With these tools and a firmer foundation upon which to move their families forward in a positive direction, parents and their children will feel empowered.

Children are resilient and forgiving and they do want to feel the love their parents have for them. It is essential for their growth into healthy young adults. Where there has been continuing conflict you can be pretty sure that some of those loving feelings have been lost. They can be reestablished. There has to be at least one ‘adult’ in a situation to turn things around; someone who is willing to take the responsibility to get things moving in the right direction.

Beginning parents will probably have a good understanding of some of the pitfalls in modern parenting – prevention is so much better than any cure.


Encouraging Parent Communication

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parenting34 Encouraging Parent Communication


Good communication between parents and caregivers in the early childhood setting is very important.  Both parents and caregivers have a goal of providing children with the best learning and growing environments.  Caregivers should strive to create trust between the parents and themselves so they can work together for the good of the children.

Creating trust between parents and caregivers involves using an open communication system that benefits the children, parents and caregivers. Caregivers are better able to help children learn when they communicate with the parents about the child. They learn from the parents about each child’s family, culture, home life, and language.

In the early childhood setting, we communicate with parents for a variety of reasons. In all our interactions with parents, we should create a positive and trusting environment by being respectful and honest.

After parents have decided to enroll their child, seize your chance to get to know them and encourage them to become involved in the classroom or at the facility. Greet parents at arrivals and dismissals. Make parents, who may be uncomfortable with the school environment, feel at ease.

Tell parents about yourself and your goals for the children in your class. Let them know when you are available for meetings with them. Explain the child care facility’s policies and answer any questions they might have. Inform them of any special events.

It may be hard to communicate with parents who have long work schedules. You may not

even see many of these parents because they send another relative or a close friend to transport the child to and from the facility. Other parents may find it hard to get involved in special activities because of an evening work schedule. Keep these parents informed of classroom happenings and special events through written notes, telephone or email communication.

We communicate in various ways and with many different styles. When we practice methods of positive and open communication, we can get to know parents and encourage them to build a partnership with us. Children, parents and teachers all benefit from the partnership.

Learn more about encouraging parent communication. Visit ChildCare Education Institute to discover over 100 online child care training courses that meet the continuing education requirements of the child care industry.  Register for a sample course and try online learning today!