Monthly Archives: September 2009

Parental Rights

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parenting18 Parental Rights


Hester Prynne, the protagonist of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, challenged continuously on a daily basis about whether her parental rights revoked and her illegitimate child fostered. Absent of a husband figure and, in the eye of the public, holding a derogatory view, she was seen as not only unable to care for her offspring but also as an inferior roll-model. Similarly, parents today suffer the same dismal fate that Hester Prynne, from Nathaniel Hawthorne’s book The Scarlet Letter, endured subsequent to the Puritans prosecuting her for conceiving an illegitimate child.

Sense the conception of Parental Rights: All of the legal rights, and the corresponding legal obligations, that go along with being the parent of a child, which include: the right to legal and physical custody of the child, the right to physical access or visitation with the child, the right to inherit property from the child and to have the child inherit property from the parent, the right to consent to medical care and treatment for the child, the right to consent to the marriage of the child or its enlistment in military service, the ability to contract on behalf of the child, the obligation to provide financial support for the child, the responsibility to provide a legal defense of the child in legal proceedings, the obligation to care for, direct and supervise the child, the obligation to be legally liable for certain damages caused by the child, the obligation to see that the child attends school, and the obligation to protect the child and provide a safe living environment for the child (Adoption.com). its foundation has held strong providing the much needed attention and protection for our ambitious, future-leaders. With the recent uproar and government involvement in Parental Rights, with it arrived more control over who can have a family and how they may rear their youth. Under this Parental Rights theory, families with trivial plights are found estranged and with this theory, court cases inaugurated upon an unmerited foundation.

Unnecessary division of children from their parents may result from particular Parental Rights cases. Indeed the purpose of Parental Rights revolves around checking whether their parents are creditable then taking recourse to separation once the parents are deemed undeserving and failing to take corrective action (psychologyinfo.com); none-the-less, various cases may lack important proof; perhaps even false facts that present themselves to the case’s workforce. Though a “process of involuntarily taking away the parental rights of a parent that has abandoned a child, has without just cause failed to support a child, has neglected or abused a child, has stood by and allowed others to neglect or abuse a child, or who because of extended incarceration in prison, will be unavailable to properly parent or nurture the child during its formative years” (adoption.com), better identified as “Severance of Parental Rights”, states entitle the right to legally separate child and guardian if said conditions fail to be met. On-the-other-hand, Severance of Parental Rights falls short on covering what happens with parents that earnestly take the endeavor improving their lifestyle for their children, but nonetheless, do not make the grade; the legal action at this moment rests in the state’s jurisdiction without a respectable guiding standard.
With an underpinning based upon the salvation of maltreated children, Parental Rights assembles our nation together to battle this calamity. However, Parental Rights progress beyond maltreated children supporting parents who wish to place their children up for adoption and consequencely, facilitate in the quest of finding children to adopt (Adoption.com). Two ways for a child to be adopted have sprung forth: Severance of Parental Rights and Relinquishment: “In the context of adoption, this term generally refers to a birthparent voluntarily giving up his or her parental rights to a child, so that someone else can adopt it. In practice it generally refers to these parental rights being transferred to an agency, rather than directly to the new adoptive parents, so that the agency can maintain the level of confidentiality or privacy that the parties desire and have agreed to in the adoption. The agency then passes the parental rights on to the adoptive parents who adopt the child” (Adoption.com).

The loss of loved ones seizes a toll on peoples’ hearts. Broods affected by the injury of the termination of their parents’ parental rights suffer an equivalent toll. Children and adolescents who lose their parents because of a termination of parental rights (TPR) may respond with a variety of coping strategies, some of which may not promote good mental health (cbexpress.acf.hhs.gov). Accordingly the decision to revoke the parental rights of the guardians in fact – mentally – mistreats the child in itself. Furthermore, the parents endure stages of woe which is amplified by the pain of their children (adoption.about.com).

What seems right for children ought to be forefront in the protection of them; however, the outcomes from the assessment must be considered. Termination of parental rights must not be abolished; none-the-less, it should be revised to additionally compute the harm done to the family.


Other Children And Their Parents

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parenting7 Other Children And Their Parents


The saying, “other people’s children” usually brings to mind how misbehaving other people’s children can be. “Other children’s parents” is a new saying that refers to how other people parent their children. Parents all have different expectations of their children and allow different behaviors.

When children begin to have friends, there are times parents would rather their child not associate with a certain child. Some parents let their children run wild, whereas some parents are completely strict. Parents have to learn to accept how other children are raised and teach their children to continue to respect their limits.

One common mistake made by parents is thinking that their parenting techniques are the best parenting techniques. Frequently parents may want to allow another child to disobey his or her parents, because they don’t think that another child’s parents’ decision is right. For example, some parents don’t allow their children to drink soda or eat sugary items. Offering these items to this child will compromise his or her parents’ ability to hold their child accountable. When parents respect other parents’ rules and parenting techniques they not only show respect to the other parents, but they model respect for others to their children.

Children who are considered wild and unruly can be more difficult to deal with for a parent. Parents can not control another person’s child when there are bad decisions being made by the child or the child’s parents. For example, if a phone call keeps coming in at 10 pm, but the rules clearly state no phone calls can be received after 9 pm, the child calling can be asked not to call again after 9pm, but if it persists parenting becomes difficult. There are two options available then for the parents. The first is to call the other child’s parents and ask them to talk to their child. If that doesn’t work, the only recourse is to discuss the situation with their own child and help their child to understand why the behavior of the other child is not acceptable.

The Playhouse
Many times there is a particular house that all of the neighborhood kids enjoy spending time at. Some parents enjoy the company of all of the kids and some do not. There are some benefits to having neighborhood children at your house. One of these benefits is that you are able to keep an eye on your own children. Another is that you can get to know your children’’ friends well. Still another benefit is that your children will learn to enjoy your company and accept you being around their friends when they get older.

One of the drawbacks, though, to having so many children in your home is that there is often more mess. Your food bill may go up when more mouths eat snacks, there may not be a lot of down time in your home and you many not be able to get your children to help around the house as much.

Finding a balance of time with your children playing with their friends in your home and having downtime in your home can be very important. One option to keep that balance is to set up times their friends are allowed to come over. You can also discuss with the other parents a rotational cycle where all the children play at different houses on different days.

Food costs can be minimized by buying in bulk or buying inexpensive snacks such as popsicles or individual bags of chips. Another option is to let children create their own snack. Cool aid ice cubes or cookies from scratch are some fun items that can be made.

Being able to have the best of both worlds with your children at home and your children away from home is great. Discuss with other parents and find what works best for everyone.


Do not Counter your Parents

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parenting Do not Counter your Parents


Do not counter your parents.

Dalip Singh Wasan, Advocate.

People may believe that they have been sent on this earth by God Himself and we go back when He recalls us. But at the same time we shall have to accept that we have come here on this earth through our parents and up till now, we could not see a person who has come on this earth directly from God. Even the people who have got some place in mythologies and in history and who had been founding religions and had been telling us that they are God had come on this earth through their parents and none has come directly from the side of God. That is the reason in Hindu Shastras, it has been admitted that parents are above all and none on earth can have a place equal to parents.

Time is going on and we, who had started from stone age are now talking to the skies. In other words, what the parents could not do, their children are doing that. But still the children must understand that they had not come and they were not with all the wisdom, intellect and competency at their command when they were born. Their parents had been looking after them and they had been bringing them up. The parents had been saving him or her when there was cold, when there was hot and when they were wet or were lying in wet and dirty bed. The man knows that he starts caring for himself only when he comes in the age of 10 years or more and even at this stage, he is not in a position to earn and can provide himself for all the facilities which are required for proper development.

If one has an introspection, he shall come to the conclusion that he would no have survived had their been no parents or others to look after him or her. We all know that we need proper education, proper training, proper adjustment in life, proper earning and then we are to marry and settle a house. And lucky are those who have got parents and they could get all help from the side of their parents. The people who have got no parents because the parents died earlier or they had been lost in crowds, never get the same psychology as a normal child could get through parents. The child who got no parents to look after him or her remains all alone in life and he never feels that he has got someone to protect him or her.
The child is compensating his or her parents and therefore, there are chances that he or she would be having more education, more training, more wisdom, more intellect, more income and a higher status in society and in the work place, but still he is not better than his or her parents and therefore the child must keep in mind that he shall not compare himself or herself better than his or her parents. He must be thankful to his parents who could provide him facilities through which he could achieve these heights and should never counter his parents. We, the people of India know the story of Shri Rama who left his house only because his father had directed him to leave the house and even his rights to have the throne. It means, the order of the parents should be followed and no child should say that the order from the side of his or her parents is wrong and therefore, he would not follow that order.

You may carry out the order of your parents or you may not carry out the order of your parents, but one thing should be taken care of that you should not refuse to carry out the order of your parents at their face and tell them that they are in the wrong. The parents are not in a position to bear all this because they are living only with one hope in their mind that their children are obedient and they shall be carrying out the orders of their parents. This psychology and wish of the parents must be kept alive and the parents should fee proud of the fact that their children are advancing.

We must understand that all in the world other than the parents may feel jealous when we are rising, but the parents shall feel happy and shall pray for your more success. If we can pray for others, we must locate our parents who can pray for us and would always desire that we should go ahead and we should win all the ventures we have undertaken. Even your brothers and sisters may be having some love for you but still there are chances that they may not feel pleasure when you are rising higher and higher and sometime they may be having some property disputes with you. But your parents shall not be sad when you are rising. They shall be happy and they shall be proud of the fact that you are rising and rising higher in life.

So when we are allotting status and position to others, we should have more care when we have a look on our parents and they should be placed still higher and when we are doing all this we should not expect thanks from our parents. We are just doing something to repay the debt and we are not creating a debt against5 our parents. We are nobody to repay the debts which the parents have established against us and we may take thousands of such births, but still we are not in a position to clear the debts. So it is our duty to ensure that we are to say ‘yes my dear father, yes my dear mother’ and nothing more. No reasons and no explanations should be placed before parents nor we should try to establish before our parents that we are having more qualifications, more money and a higher status. We are still low and we should keep this position till our parents are alive and even after their dearth, we should not try to say that they had been in the wrong. They are right, they were right and they shall be right should be the lifelong idea with us.

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Single Parenting – Recognizing Their Efforts And Helping Them

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parenting9 Single Parenting Recognizing Their Efforts And Helping Them


According to Wikipedia, mono parents are parents without partners in raising a child or children. Thus, a mono parent is one who raises his or her bud solely and lonely, spouseless.

Illustrations on mono parents will be at variance from place to place. Each societal mannerism treats and classifies them to their accord.

Treatment of mono parents modify according to where they are put up. Mono parents in urban areas are dealt with in a more positive manner in contrast to those from rural areas.

Mono parenting has become a widespread scenario in today’s lifestyle. But not all cultures receive this change in the way of living, with a positive outlook.

Mono parents- Their practicality

The mother or father is left to raise the bud, companionless, due to various causes and reasons.

They are singled out due to reasons like annulment, mutual separation (break-up), one of them is imprisoned or has kicked the bucket.

The so called parent, who raises the bud, is not necessary to be blood related to that bud. The DNA affirmation does not really count to classify him or her as a mono parent.

Parenting singly is a mere option opted by the person, if the bud is not his or her organic child. Opting to raise another person’s bud is an aristocratic gesture.

As per the latest research, mono parents should get hold of their bud either legally or by adopting or by getting pregnant, unnaturally, or by becoming the surrogate mother.

Thus, mono parenting is a personal option, depending on one’s own individuality. Bringing up a kid is a strenuous task and a costly affair, considering the present standard of living. Mono parenting might not always be successful.
In a few places, where the lifestyle of people is still passé, mono parents are regarded pariah. The reason is that, in those days, parenting children who are not born to them or raising a kid companionless, was considered as sin.

Mono parenting – Today’s Fashion

Latest reports, taken in US, states that, on normal standards, thirty percent of the kids are raises in households of mono parents.

Parents, who are single, are dominantly mothers. The impact of mono parenting is more dawned upon mothers who are singled out. But, mono parents in fatherly figures, are also on a rise.

The male being a mono parent is a widespread scenario in Muslim dominated areas, due to the fact that they are yet to acknowledge the capability of a woman.

According to the 2002 poll taken in US, kids growing under the father’s in charge was around ten plus five percent of parenthood. But this data has increased one tenth, over the decade.

Thus, its is inferred that in the 20th century, male gender shouldering the responsibility of raising a child was not prominent and such a scenario has changed adversely, as the lifestyle of people shifted.

Mono parenthood

Flow through the life, is what our living preaches us. Mono parenting has become a common gesture in our day to day life. Accept the change. Live the way you want.

Mono parenting, a sin, has become passé. The kids raised parents are not seen indifferently now. In fact, present regulations are in favor of such parents and children and the kids are protected from close minded people, by these legislations.

Nowadays, mono parenthood has become a part and parcel of the societal mannerisms. In fact, mono parents are acknowledged and appreciated for their strength of will and aristocratic gesture.


How Important is Consistency Between Separated Parents Really?

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parenting17 How Important is Consistency Between Separated Parents Really?


Separated parents may take issue with each other if there are any differences in parenting style, expectations or structure.

However, while consistency of parenting style, expectations and structure are helpful they are not rigidly required. Even among intact families there can be remarkable differences between the parents yet the children are not harmed by the experience. Other evidence that children are not necessarily harmed by differences in style, expectations or structure comes by looking at the normal course of children’s lives in areas other than home life.

When not at home, children may be subject to the care of alternate care providers, schoolteachers, baby sitters, coaches and instructors. Suffice it to say; virtually all children learn to differentiate the styles, expectations and structures imposed by all these different people and situations and thrive. Hence children learn to run during soccer, yet walk on the deck at the swimming pool. Whereas in one class they may be required to sit quietly, in another they may be allowed to ask questions directly of the teacher. Therefore different teachers will impose a variety of expectations and children learn to differentiate between them and manage accordingly. The only way a problem would develop is if one teacher demands of the children that they follow the same rules in the other teacher’s class as their own.

As parental differences become known, some parents may seek to use these differences as cause for limiting the other parent’s relationship, influence or time with the child or may seek to impose their style, expectations and structure, or way of doing things on the other parent.

Parents need to appreciate they can have different styles, expectations and structure, as does virtually every teacher have their own way of managing a classroom. Assuming a parent’s behaviour is not lawless or abusive and the child progresses developmentally appropriately, different parental styles, expectations and structure can actually benefit the child as the child learns to adapt and manage a variety of situations.

With regard to child development, it is usually not parental differences that is harmful to children, but rather conflict between parents over their differences. Children can adapt to parents’ differences but being drawn into their conflict is distressing and distracting.
Parents who are distressed over their differences are advised to determine if the differences are truly significant or just irksome to themselves before raising objections. If the child is perturbed by parental differences and brings issue from one parent to the other, it can be advisable to redirect the child back to the other parent to discuss the issue directly. In so doing, the child learns to communicate their concerns directly and parents maintain a more appropriate boundary between themselves. This is in much the same way as one teacher wouldn’t take on the issues of another teacher, but would redirect the student to deal directly with the other teacher.

Given the opportunity most parents appreciate being able to manage their own relationship with their children without intrusion. If a parent looks unreasonable, it may be that they are just annoyed for having their style, expectations and structure dictated by the other parent. Parents are advised to be certain parental differences are truly problematic before taking issue. If unsure, parents are advised to consider obtaining guidance from a parenting expert with expertise working with separated parents.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

(905) 628-4847

gary@yoursocialworker.com

http://www.yoursocialworker.com


Looking for a Parenting Article for Homosexual Parents

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parenting1 Looking for a Parenting Article for Homosexual Parents


There is no denying that homosexual parenthood is now a valid personal choice. Along with the increasing acceptance for homosexuality comes the increasing acceptance for homosexual parenthood. It cannot be denied however that homosexual parenthood still has a tremendous share of challenges. Homosexual parents may be in need of a good parenting article to help them through. The fact is, the practical parenting article for homosexual parents is not that easy to come across. This is because the common parenting article for same sex parents may involve in varying degrees a history of homosexuality, current views on homosexuality and experiential accounts. What is a parenting article for homosexual parents trying to tell us?

While a good parenting article should include some practical tips, a parenting article for homosexual parents should also include a lot of other things. This is because a parenting article for homosexual parents should also show the reality of how homosexuality is accepted in today’s society. Yes, your parenting article may tell you that many people are now accepting homosexuality and same sex parenthood as a valid way of life. On the other hand each and every parenting article for homosexual parents also tells you that homosexuality is still very much a controversial issue.

Your typical parenting article will tell you for example that among some higher ranking government officials, the concept of same sex marriage and parenthood is still not accepted. Your parenting article will also tell you that many other religious institutions, social groups and individuals merely diplomatically couch their words of disagreement and criticism. You will also be told that bullying in schools of children of same sex parents is still very much a reality. Why do homosexual parents need to know about all this?
A parenting article for homosexual parents should be able to inform parents of the present truths about homosexuality and how children of homosexual parents are actually treated. Such knowledge can better prepare homosexual parents for the unique challenges of homosexual parenthood. How can kids for example be taught confidence if they are derided in school? How can you expect your child to accept and understand your chosen way of life if his outside social environment is telling him not to?

A good parenting article therefore for homosexual parents should look into realities first before anything else to educate same sex parents. On a more positive light, a parenting article may also show the actual optimistic truths about homosexual parenthood. Reading in a parenting article about the good aspects of homosexual parenthood is both encouraging for homosexual parents and a way for them to educate their children about their family situation.

It is for example positively enlightening to know that according to studies, same sex parents are also capable of rearing healthy, normal and socially functional children. Many children of homosexuals are also able to develop meaningful relationships with people around them. Articles for homosexual parents should therefore invariably educate and encourage. Parenting articles for homosexual parents show the uncolored truth about homosexual parenthood, with all its parental joys and challenges.


Parenting Plan Considerations

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parenting47 Parenting Plan Considerations


In intact relationships, parents do not usually consider how decisions are made with regard to the care of the children, let along who would carry out the various parenting tasks. However, once parents are living separate and apart, these issues must be clearly specified, understood and agreed upon to avoid conflict and assure proper care.

A Parenting Plan is a written agreement between separated parents setting out the rules and structures for the ongoing care of the children. Parenting plans are constructed with sensitivity to the developmental and cultural needs of the children and the ability of the parents to meet those needs given respective parental strengths, weaknesses and willingness.

Parenting Plans are generally developed on a consensus-building model between the parents, whose efforts may be supported by others. Depending on the nature and quality of support required, supports may include legal counsel, parenting coaches, child specialists, family specialists and other specialists with knowledge, expertise and training in matters such as: mental health, addictions, domestic violence, child development and the like.

As with the development of any plan between separated parents, it is necessary to be mindful of power and control issues and imbalances that could give rise to lop-sided agreements; agreements not necessarily in the best interests of the children; or agreements that may perpetuate harm or may place persons at risk of harm.

Parenting Plans typically contemplate matters in terms of responsibilities and authority as well as set out rules and structure for the direct care of the children between the parents. By way of example, one parent may retain authority for deciding a medical procedure, yet the other parent may be responsible for assuring attendance and implementation of the decision.

In view of the above, the Parenting Plan document will usually address at least, the following:
Distribution of time the children are in each parents’ care; Consideration for holidays, birthdays, special occasions, religious days, summer vacation; Transfer of care of children between the parents including transportation arrangements; Purchase/exchange of belongings; Healthcare decisions and responsibilities; Access to information; Extracurricular activities (how choices are made and rules for parental attendance); Involvement of new partners/family; Change of name; Religion; Education; Parental communication; Decision making processes and dispute resolution processes; Limits/rules on mobility and/or travel; Date or circumstances for review; Considerations for special problems (geographical distances, mental health, abuse/violence, etc.)

Parents are advised to consider the input of a professional with experience in these matters to be assured that their plan is appropriate to the developmental, emotional, psychological and safety needs of the child.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

(905) 628-4847

gary@yoursocialworker.com

http://www.yoursocialworker.com


Blaming Parents for Adhd?

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parenting44 Blaming Parents for Adhd?


Parents of kids with ADD and ADHD have a hard job ahead of them. Not only do you have to deal with your child or teen’s symptoms (which can be very challenging), you also have to deal with many ‘systems’ out there that are not very understanding or supportive of kids and teens with ADD or ADHD. Parents have to take on the role of: parent, therapist, advocate, educational assistant, medication consultant, etc.

And the worst part is – most parents feel like they are being blamed for their child’s Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – and often you are being blamed.

Let’s be very clear up front: Parenting does not cause ADHD. This has been conclusively proven. I’ll repeat it: Parenting doesn’t cause ADHD.

If anything, having an ADHD child is very stressful, presents unique challenges, and creates low parenting satisfaction. Why? Because of the ADHD.

As a child psychiatrist and a parent myself – my experience is that most people have kids, and despite the fact that they are not experts in parenting, they try hard (and maybe learn about parenting through reading or classes) and their child turns out fine. You can call this ‘natural intuitive parenting’. Parents then pat themselves on the back and say ‘I’m a great parent’.

In contrast, the parent of a child with ADHD can do the exact same things – and a lot more – but they just don’t work. Instead of them being able to pat themselves on the back, everybody is trying to tell them how to parent their child because their child just doesn’t seem to listen. This leads to a lot of parenting frustration, and it makes it harder for the parents.

To compound the issue, often times the doctors and therapists involved in making recommendations for ADHD treatment suggest that the parents go for therapy, and the kid or teen doesn’t have to. This makes the issue worse, when the parent feels that he or she is being blamed by the doctor!

The reality is that even though parents may not be the cause of ADHD, you can be part of the solution. Research has shown that when parents use specific strategies designed to help with ADHD, this can improve their effectiveness as parents. This is often called ‘Parent Management Training’.

It’s important for parents of kids with ADD or ADHD to remember – you are not the cause of the ADD or ADHD, but you are part of the solution. Get the support and help you need, and keep trying all that you can. You know that your child is worth it!