Birth and Parenting Tips

the director of Chloe’s camp to let him know she only drinks orange-pineapple juice for breakfast…not plain orange juice.”

“We had Jacob’s soccer coach over for dinner to make sure he understood that Jacob doesn’t respond well to direct commands. We want the coach to use “suggestions” when talking to Jacob about soccer techniques.”

“I can’t believe the teacher asked Phoebe to write her paper again with better penmanship. Doesn’t that woman know it’s the content of the writing rather than how it looks? I don’t want Phoebe to think she is a poor writer just because of sloppy handwriting.”

Ahhhh the thought patterns of helicopter parents! These over-bearing, obsessive, hovering parents micro-manage every aspect of their children’s lives. It isn’t enough to make sure their toddler listens to Baby Einstein and excels at Gymboree classes. The Wall Street Journal recently reported cases of helicopter parents accompanying their college-graduate children to job interviews. Some companies offering internships for college seniors now conduct parent orientation programs to stem the numerous phone calls from helicopter parents. While helicopter parents may have the best intentions, in reality, they are raising children with few problem solving skills. Children with hovering parents never get the chance to face disappointment and build up resiliency.

Let’s hear it for …SUBMARINE PARENTS! Think about your typical submarine. (Not an everyday topic of parental discussion.) Submarines usually remain underwater, out of sight. In case of a need for emergency surfacing, submarines can rise so quickly they are propelled partially out of the water. Submarine parents also remain out of sight, yet able to pop up in the case of an emergency. Let’s look at the difference between helicopter and submarine parents: Helicopter Parents: Prepare sack lunches for their child, complete with dinosaur shaped sandwiches and lengthy notes extolling the wonder of their child’s intelligence, good looks and ability to use the remote. Submarine Parents: Lay out a variety of school lunch supplies and encourage their child to pack his own lunch. If Matt packs only chips and carrot sticks, he’ll get hungry and pack a bigger lunch the next day.

Helicopter parents: Sell family heirlooms on E-Bay in order to pay for a $3, 995 Silver Cross Pram. (Canopy only an additional $225.00!) In order to get full use out of this pram, even three and four year olds are pushed through the park while munching on gourmet, flax-seed crackers. Submarine Parents: Buy a sturdy and comfortable stroller at a garage sale for $25.00. As soon as the child starts to walk, the stroller is re-sold at a garage sale and kids get exercise by walking and running.

Helicopter Parents: Participate in all their child’s homework projects. When a fifth grade teacher assigned the task of building a model of the solar system, (without using Styrofoam balls!) helicopter parents complained in mass. How could their future astronomer reconstruct the galaxy of planets without proportionately sized Styrofoam balls? Submarine Parents: Encourage their children to look around the house for items to use. One mother donated a collection of dryer lint so her son could add glue and create mini-lint balls representing planets.

I admit, I’m a submarine parent. My job as a parent is to have fun with my daughters while letting them explore and learn natural consequences. My youngest daughter Sondra didn’t know stores had dressing rooms until she was eight. I bought all her (cute!) clothes at garage sales and consignment shops. After washing each item, she’d find it hanging in her closet or folded in a drawer. There was no discussion about, “Will you wear this if I buy it for you?” My older daughter found herself acting in commercials and making more than minimum wage as a teen. To give her a sense of the real world, I insisted she spend three weeks every summer, picking strawberries and earning $3.50 on a good day. When Sondra was six, she wanted an uber-expensive American Girl Doll. I cut the full color, 18″ picture out of the American Girl catalog and had it laminated. “Here’s your American Girl Doll.” I said “When you turn nine, I’ll buy you the three dimensional doll on your birthday.” Sondra played with her flat doll for months, making clothes and furniture for her. She learned creativity. I saved $88.00.

Parents want to guide and watch their children but at the same time know they cannot be there all the time sitting with them when they are online. So even though parents are aware of the danger of the internet, talk to their kids and monitor them at home, parents know it is not possible to be the one that keep them safe all the time on the internet. They also know even if they trust them well, there are accidental search that can lead to harmful and material even they are not looking for it. So deciding on buying parental control software is considered a logical and responsible step more parents are taking.

Buying parental control software could be something you just take few minutes in doing. You sit down in front of the computer, “Google” some right words for it, press a link and buy a product. At the same time there is not certain that best software’s are those that will appear in top ten of Google search and you might be want to consider thinking what do I want my parental control software be able to do for me?

You could start buy asking other parents what they are using and asking for their experience. You could also try to browse around test look at their sites and read about that software; even send email to the sales apartment. You should check if the software has a 15 days trial period so you can test the software. Check for things like is the software being updated, which is very important in this day by day changing online world were dangers of the internet is always changing and software that the parental control software needs to work with is also updating and changing.

The biggest question you need to ask yourself when deciding on buying parental control software is the function of it. What do you want the parental software to do for you? Parental control software do not all have the same features and possibilities and you should therefore spend some time on thinking “what kind of parental control software do I need” Most of them will do different things for you and you may need different things for best safe surfing in your family. The possibilities are enormous. Let’s go over few things parental control software may have in their toolbox, so for you to use it in your buying guide you can look for those things you want to have when browsing through parental control website doing your own parental control software review.

Filtering: Does the software have filtering option? Most software will filter (pornographic filter, hate site filters, making bomb filter, violence filter etc. sites for you, but you may want to think how and how much control you have over the filtering system. 1. Does the parental control software have a database of blocked and family friendly sites? 2. Does the software allow you to create additional filtering list of sites you want to block? 3. Does the software have ability for you to only allow certain sites you choose and filter all other sites? 4. Does the software have a allow list have the ability to allow sites permanently and therefore overriding all other filtering system. 5. Does the software have dynamic content filter that block sites based on the content on each site you open?

Blocking software: You may also want to know if the parental control software is also blocking software, allowing you to block software’s you may think is harmful.

1. Does the software Block p2P file sharing like e.g. torrent software that are often used to download illegal software, music, movies, games and adult material?

2. Does it block chat programs?

3. Does the software block games that are considered more addictive e.g. MMORPG games?

4. Does the software allow you to choose additional software from the computer and block it?

Monitoring Software: You may want to check if the parental control software allows you to monitor the overall use of the computer and give you a good report on what has been happening. Does the software monitor all keystrokes that will enable you to read what has been written on the computer based on the software the words were written in? You may also want to have a screen shots recording in the software to able you to see how what has been happening in a form of picture of the screen. The screen shots recording is also good as a proof if something bad happens, e.g. Predator harassing the child, or some other child bullying the child on chat application. With screen shots you have a proof of what has happened after these incidents. Some software also has email monitoring of incoming and outgoing emails. Last option you may want to check for if the software monitors all cut and paste-ing on the computer both picture and text.

Time control software: This is a feature that can be extremely important in avoiding the computer will take too much time from school work, friends, sports and possibly preventing internet addiction. You may want to look closely into if the software allows you to specify how many hours a month, week and per day. You may want to control differently at what time of day and different between weekdays and weekends. At last the possibility of controlling some specific behavior such as applications or watching movies could be an option you want to check for

Protecting Privacy: The internet is a dangerous place for kids with predators lurking in chat rooms the importance of protecting privacy is important factor in buying a safe surfing tool as parental control software. Therefore a software that allow you to block user for sending out private information as address or phone number and/or take screen shots and notify you when private information are being sent from the home computer.

Alerts and Reports: Parental control software is not as useful if it never tell you what is happening. Good report system is important to go over the computer use and good alert system that notify you in an email or SMS can be extremely important to be able to get alert as soon as something bad things happen.

There are many other factors to look for, how easy to use the software is, is it doing what it is supposed to do, what kind of support can I a get and does the website provide me with some other useful tools or information’s. There are of course other things as well to look for as does the software provides me with specific tool for specific things I am aiming to avoid or control. These specific things could be related to e.g. all the emerging internet addiction, that is gaming addiction prevention, gambling addiction prevention, pornographic and cybersex addiction prevention. Are there some helpful tools for younger children or older children .

You may also want to look at how sure am I of being able to control the computer and my kid’s not just get around the software. You want to choose a software that is password protected, can be set in stealth mode and stop others from changing anything in the computer control panel.

Most important thing is to take your time searching, reading, asking, testing and in the end when you are happy choosing the right parental control software.

There are different styles of parenting, and each of them has it’s own style and characteristics. Basically, there are four styles of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative (sometimes called egalitarian), permissive, and uninvolved.

The uninvolved parenting style is when the parents are simply not there to be parents to their children. So this type of parenting can be described as “non existent”. Therefore, we will not discuss it here, because it is not an effective parenting style. Kids with an uninvolved parent often struggle with feelings of rejection, lack of self-esteem, and trust issues.

Let’s take a look at the other three parenting styles – authoritarian, authoritative and permissive.

Authoritarian, authoritative and permissive represent the range of parenting styles, where authoritarian is on one end, the permissive on the other end, and authoritative in the middle.

The parenting style differ form each other in two aspects – structure and responsiveness.

Structure represents the limits and rules a child has to obey to, therefore it is the main ingredient in authoritarian parenting.

Responsiveness is the parent’s sensitivity to a child’s voice. It represents the child’s wants and needs. Responsiveness is therefore the most important element in permissive parenting.

So, while authoritarian parenting is high on structure, it is low on Responsiveness. For example, is a child is late to come home, he or she will expect to be punished. If they fail to complete their homework or other chores, they will bare the consequences. Their parent will not listen to their needs and there will be no negotiation as for the limits and rules that this parent determines for his child.

With the permissive parent, things are quite the opposite. There are very few rules and limits to the child, and therefore, he or she have very little discipline. This may cause future problems, as these children do not learn how to deal with rules and how to connect between wring doing and punishment.

The best parenting model is the authoritative model. This is a balanced model between the authoritarian and the permissive models. Using this model, the child learns to obey rules and limitation imposed by his parent. But the child is also able to voice his or her opinion, and negotiate. For example, a child can ask for a new curfew hour, if it is justified. He can ask to bend the rules once, if it is important. The authoritative families work as a team ,where the child has duties and rules, but also has the right to have adults listen to his opinions and needs.

Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style, with both high structure and high responsiveness. The parents are engaged and flexible, but they are still the parents. Structurerules, limits and boundariesis present, but not rigid.

21st century parents may be the most anxious and guilt-ridden parents of any generation. Prior to the 20th century parents viewed children as resilient and that the stresses of life would strengthen them. Today’s parents view children as fragile and believe that only a very careful, closely supervised act of parenting will imbue children with sufficient confidence and self-esteem to succeed.

The 20th century created huge erosion in parental confidence. This was due to multiple factors, some of the most significant were Freud’s claims that all adult neuroses could be traced to parenting mistakes. The behaviorist Watson aided and abetted this view by stating that parents could cause any child to become any kind of person simply by following his behavioral strategies.

Dr. Spock, who was read by millions and frequently changed his views, also supported the notion that parents were the most significant agents in how children turned out. The notion that parents could significantly damage their children through “incorrect” methods of parenting remains a very popular view despite contradictory professional opinions about what children need.

While parent are hugely important, we now know that children are also strongly affected by siblings, peer group, neighborhood, genetics, and socioeconomic level. Changes in the economy have meant that young adults who graduate from college since the early 1970’s have fewer opportunities to become financially independent than did those during prior decades.

Parents worry that children who don’t get into college or into a good college may be closed out of the decreasing opportunities that are available. The likelihood of divorce also contributed to parental anxiety and insecurity. Parents worry that any conflict with their child or between the parents may damage their children or their long-term relationships with them.

Because of divorce, many believe that their relationship with their child may be the one long-term relationship that they can count on. This, along with fewer children, has meant that parents now more strongly value their children and their relationships with them.

In addition, while parents of prior generations spent time with friends and neighbors, today’s parents spend all of their time with their children at the expense of a social life, and often, the well being of the marriage. Speaking with a parenting coach may reduce worry and guilt and, if so, that can be worthwhile. In addition, some children present behavioral challenges and raise questions that do require expert intervention and guidance.

However, many parents need to learn to trust their own instincts. My experience is that parents, more often than not, know the right action, they just feel too worried about it contradicting something that they read on a website or heard on a talk show. When looking for a parenting coach parents should know that there is no uniformly correct way to parent children. Beware any “expert” who states that there is.

Its finally here, you have to meet the parents. You have been dating for a long time and the next logical step to take is to meet her parents. The mere thought of meeting her parents scares you. This is because you do not know them and you do not know whether they will approve of her choice. Parents are naturally over protective and once you become a parent you will understand exactly what i mean. You however need not be scared. The girl’s parents are human beings who like any other parent in the world wants the best for their daughter. If she thinks you are the best thing in the world her parents are most probably going to feel the same.

Before you go to meet the parents ask your girlfriend questions concerning them. This is very important for imagine yourself going to see your girlfriends parents and you can barely say their name. You don’t even know where they work or do for a living. Not knowing your girlfriends parents name only translates to not having an interest in the girl. You could have asked your girlfriend what the name of her parents were sometime back. You could have forgotten and even if you haven’t forgotten, a little confirmation to make sure you still remember all the facts will not hurt. If you feel you have forgotten an important fact ask your girlfriend.

Keep time when you meet the parents when meeting the girls parents. Whether you are meeting them in a restaurant or their home its always good to be punctual. If you can not make it on time call and say you will be a little late. This will loose you some points with the parents but at least you called. Being late for a date makes you look bad and un serious about things. Parents want their daughters to have someone who is serious, focused and puts important things first. Meeting the parents at this point is the important thing. Dress appropriately for the occasion and have a firm handshake when saying hallo to them.

You should never meet the parents and forget to bring a gift with you. A well thought gift should do it. If you are not so sure about what to get, ask your girlfriend to help you out. Be confident with yourself when you meet the parents. People who are not confident always send out a message that they are not so sure about themselves. No parent would want to give their daughter to a man who is not sure about themselves. Keep the conversation flowing in a good way. If they ask you a question you think they are testing you out do not avoid it. Answer it in an intelligent manner, that way you will prove to the parent that you are a bright man. Try not to boost so much about your achievement, if you do, you will only push the parents away. You will be making them think you feel you are too good for their daughter. Finally, relax, they are just parents.

There may be many effects of single parenting on the parent. It is extremely tough and also a challenging task. Many of these parents suffer from the negative effects caused.

The struggle to manage the finance is a very important factor to consider as a single parent. Getting a proper job to support both the parent and the child can solve this. Finding a job in the immediate vicinity would help a lot as enough attention can be given to the child.

There are a lot of articles like this and many websites and also magazines. All you have to do is take some time and search. For articles that are more precise and that will provide you with exactly what yo u want you could look for them in the libraries. By reading these articles and books one can develop a good ideas how to handle a situation and these articles will behave as a guide and help you out to make your parenting life a little easier.

As the number of marriage break ups, death of a partner or even teenage pregnancies have increased these articles have become very popular and are being publicized widely. There have been many demands over the last few years on self-help tips on how to raise a child being a single parent.

These articles mainly focus on single moms and dads who have lost their spouse because of an unfortunate death and have to raise their child all by themselves. These articles would help them to handle grief and to continue their life without a partner.

In order to reduce all the bad effects the single parents must talk and express well with their children. they should communicate well and allow their children to express the problems that they are facing. Its upto the parents to let their children know that no matter what happens they will be always loved.

The most important thing is the parents should give their child a secure feling, a healthy environment and lots of love. This is important because it helps the children to be in a better psycological position. This will help them a lot and they will feel very secure. This will help in their growth both physically and psycologically.

Some children who are being raised in a bad environment or the children who are the product of teenage pregnancies are liable to be very sensitive than children raised in a normal environment, as they seem to be a usual topic at school or with their friends. This puts in a very uncomfortable position. These children must be helped to cope up and these articles will help a parent to do that.

Some articles are very confusing and are of not much help, such articles must be totally disregarded. As these are articles written by humans they are liable to errors and need not be perfect. But most of the authors use their experience as a single parent and write the articles. And sometimes they are not so informative.

Articles like those on single parenting are of great help for parents who are single to guide their child to a better future and to help them become better citizens.

The most important thing children need is security, loving and a very healthy environment for a proper physical as well as psychological growth. If these conditions are satisfied the children will grow up to be fine men even if a single parent has brought them up. Its always up to the parent how their children shape up to be in the future.

The struggle to manage the finance is a very important factor to consider as a single parent. Getting a proper job to support both the parent and the child can solve this. Finding a job in the immediate vicinity would help a lot as enough attention can be given to the child.

There may be many effects of single parenting on the parent. It is extremely tough and also a challenging task. Many of these parents suffer from the negative effects caused.

There are a lot of articles like this and many websites and also magazines. All you have to do is take some time and search. For articles that are more precise and that will provide you with exactly what you want you could look for them in the libraries. By reading these articles and books one can develop a good ideas how to handle a situation and these articles will behave as a guide and help you out to make your parenting life a little easier.

As the number of marriage break ups, death of a partner or even teenage pregnancies have increased these articles have become very popular and are being publicized widely. There have been many demands over the last few years on self-help tips on how to raise a child being a single parent.

These articles mainly focus on single moms and dads who have lost their spouse because of an unfortunate death and have to raise their child all by themselves. These articles would help them to handle grief and to continue their life without a partner.

In order to reduce all the bad effects the single parents must talk and express well with their children. they should communicate well and allow their children to express the problems that they are facing. Its upto the parents to let their children know that no matter what happens they will be always loved.

The most important thing is the parents should give their child a secure feling, a healthy environment and lots of love. This is important because it helps the children to be in a better psycological position. This will help them a lot and they will feel very secure. This will help in their growth both physically and psycologically.

Some children who are being raised in a bad environment or the children who are the product of teenage pregnancies are liable to be very sensitive than children raised in a normal environment, as they seem to be a usual topic at school or with their friends. This puts in a very uncomfortable position. These children must be helped to cope up and these articles will help a parent to do that.

Some articles are very confusing and are of not much help, such articles must be totally disregarded. As these are articles written by humans they are liable to errors and need not be perfect. But most of the authors use their experience as a single parent and write the articles. And sometimes they are not so informative.

Articles like those on single parenting are of great help for parents who are single to guide their child to a better future and to help them become better citizens.

The most important thing children need is security, loving and a very healthy environment for a proper physical as well as psychological growth. If these conditions are satisfied the children will grow up to be fine men even if a single parent has brought them up. Its always up to the parent how their children shape up to be in the future.

Many older adults are in fear of living ‘past their savings’. Elder care services, whether delivered at home or within a facility setting are quite expensive and so many families are forced to provide this care for one another.

Most adult children will readily jump in to help when ‘the time comes.’ Translation – a crisis occurs … a fall, a stroke, a heart attack, a broken hip…

Discussing ahead of time what each (the adult child and the older parent) would define as ‘help’ has not occurred. Consequently, assumptions are made and those assumptions can drive the entire family crazy.

The following five steps are in jest but should drive home the need to openly discuss with your loved ones what you are capable of doing, what your limitations are, what you are not willing or able to do (and so forth) with your parent. Your parent must also have the opportunity to relay what he or she expects from you. This discussion is most productive if explored before the ‘crisis’.

Step One – Assume the Parental Role

From now on, you are in charge – what your parent wants no longer matters – because you know best! Change as much as possible; rearrange the furniture, throw things out without permission, and completely revise all daily routines.

Question every move your parent makes. Question every decision your parent makes. Instill a daily routine that when they ‘obey your wishes’ you will feel safe knowing exactly what your parent is doing and where he or she is at all times.

When your parent begins to stand up from a sitting position, say things like, “Where are you going?” or “Sit! Tell me what you need, I’ll get it for you!” This works best if you use the authoritative ‘parenting voice’.

Step Two – Completely Change Their Diet

You are a healthy baby-boomer and have been eating a healthy diet for years. Your parents still have a pot of grease on the stove top drained from the morning bacon. You haven’t eaten canned vegetables or fruits since you lived at home, you prefer fresh and organic. Now that you’re in charge – you can make your parents healthy.

Take over the shopping. It doesn’t matter if your parents give you a list – you know best. Shop for them like you shop for yourself. Make them eat their five servings of fresh fruit and vegetables every day. Cut down or eliminate on meat consumption, no more bacon, meatloaf, fried potatoes, canned corn and gravy.

When your parents complain, just reply, “I’m going to get you healthy again!” and then completely ignore any other objections they may have, you are after all, in charge.

Step Three – Talk Down to Them and About Them

Begin using a ‘sing-song’ voice and speak to your parent as though they were two years old. If you’ve always called your mother ‘Mom’ and your father ‘Dad’ now is the time to start calling them ‘Mommy’ or ‘Daddy’.

When you are at their home and another sibling or other person comes to visit, talk about your parents, in front of them, and pretend they can’t either hear you or understand you. Make sure you discuss private and potentially embarrassing things. Say something like, “Daddy is doing okay today, we’ve been able to get him to the bathroom on time and so far, knock on wood, no accidents.” Or try this, ‘Mommy is not feeling so well today, she wouldn’t even let me help her take a bath.”

Step Four – Intercede all Communications

You decide what mail your parents will read and what is thrown out before they see it. You grab the phone when it rings and before you hand it over to your parent, you screen the call. If it’s a relative, friend or neighbor of your parent, be certain to provide a quick update on how your parent is doing – before you hand the phone over.

You decide who can visit and who can’t. You determine which visitors may prove to be upsetting and you make up the excuses as to why a visit isn’t a good idea at the moment.

When your parents question you, simply say, “Daddy, I’m just trying to protect you.” Make sure you use your parenting voice.

Step Five – Over Extend Yourself

Assume that you are the only person on this planet that can provide the proper care for your loved ones. No one else could possibly do the job as well as you. Meanwhile, allow the rest of your life to suffer. You will quickly become exhausted and stressed.

When your parent lovingly says, ‘You look tired honey, are you okay?’ This is your cue to SNAP! Be as indignant as possible and use your ‘outside voice’ and exclaim, “Yes! I’m exhausted. Look at what I’m doing … (and then proceed to rattle off each and every daily item that you attend to followed with) and on top of that, I’m here cleaning up after you and making sure you’re okay!”

As an adult you know you did plenty of stupid things when you were a teen. Maybe that’s why teen drinking is a growing problem. Maybe our guilt as parents prevents us from being too strict about teenage drinking. To add fuel to the fire, hundreds of times a day our children see and hear TV, radio and Internet messages that support and/or glamorize getting drunk. On TV when someone gets a raise they have a drink. When they finalize their divorce they have a drink. When they feel depressed they have a drink. When they need a few laughs they have a drink.

It’s an uphill battle for parents that want their kids to avoid the downsides of alcohol abuse. But what the heck you say, it’s just a “Right of passage.” If you rationalize letting teens drink at your house because “At least they’re not driving” then you’re asking for more trouble than you can imagine. Teenage drinking is at epidemic levels and getting worse. Not just for teens that drink but for the parents that don’t consider it a big deal.

Social host liability laws are popping up everywhere and the adults that allow or support illegal drinking even in their own home are going to make for some painful situations for parents who want to look the other way.

Furthermore, the adults don’t have to be home to be held liable. Each community may have its own laws about who is going to be held accountable for underage drinking. Jail time, fines, community service, and plenty of embarrassment are a few of the consequences but the real consequence comes when there is some accident or assault that occurs. The consequences of the latter last a lifetime.

“All states now have zero tolerance laws for people under 21 – which means, when you get behind the wheel you are breaking the law for ANY level of alcohol in your body.”

If you’re the kind of parent that likes to tie one on once in a while and don’t see any harm in letting young adults experience the joys of booze then you need a little reality check. Teenager are getting killed far too often after a few drinks and a little time behind the wheel. But our teenagers don’t necessarily suffer the consequences of poor choices all by themselves. Unfortunately, they usually take a few more victims with them. This isn’t moral preaching here, this is fact.

Let your teenagers drink and the likelihood of someone or something getting hurt goes way up. Could be a drunk-driving incident, could be alcohol abuse, could be sexual assault, and the list of wonderful side effects of being a little over-permissive go on and on.

Do a little homework in your neighborhood and check the local laws about social hosting. That’s the law that holds parents accountable who provide the place for underage drinking and/or the alcohol. If you have teens or pre-teens this might be a good time to make sure you and your children’s friend’s parents are aware of their legal and responsibilities when it comes to teens that drink at home. Here are a few things you can do as a parent when your child is going to someone else’s house for a party or just a little hang time.

1. ASK YOUR KIDS QUESTIONS. Who is going to be there? Where are the parents? Is this a boy/girl situation? What’s the occasion? Will there be any form of drinking or even the possibility of drugging going on there? (That last one is a bit blunt but it’s a good idea to teach your kids how to be direct and blunt too!)

2. CALL THE OTHER PARENTS. Yeah, you’re going to be appreciated and rejected at the same time. Other parents may not appreciate the fact that you would question them about this while other parents will be very appreciative of your inquiry.

3. SAY NO. If you have any suspicions that something is amiss, it probably is. If you don’t get a straight answer out of your kid or the other parents then say “No, it ain’t happenin’ junior!” Then, find an alternative and sponsor it yourself. “You can’t go to the party but I’ll be glad to give you and three of your friends tickets to the movies, bowling, roller skating, etc.” Offer to make a big batch of their favorite snacks and rent a few movies at your house. Get creative but get real. Saying “no” doesn’t get any easier as your teenager becomes more and more independent.

When your kids accuse you of not trusting them, let them know it is not a matter of trust when it comes to the power of drugs and alcohol, it’s a matter of facts. People do stupid things under the influence and as a parent you know the facts.

Even though you may trust your child, you cannot trust people you don’t know or the persuasive power of “group think” when there’s other influences like peer pressure and booze pressure. By the way, parents also face an awful lot of peer pressure. They want to be “cool parents” for their kids and they don’t want to be the “prudes” down the street.

4. SAY YES. If you feel things are safe then say yes. And, let your child know there are times when she has to call you and check in regardless of what the event is. Good times to check in are when they arrive, just before they leave to come home, just before bedtime (if a sleepover), etc.

If for some reason they forget to call you (and they will) then teach them that this is not acceptable and YOU pick up the phone and dial them. If they don’t answer their cell phone you might be a little suspicious. It’s a good idea to just make it a very simple rule. When your teen is away from home and you call, they better answer the phone. Of course, if your teen is in a movie theater and can’t pick up the phone or dial you they can call back when it’s over. If your kids get a little paranoid that you’re checking up on them then that’s not a bad thing.

Keep talking to other parents and make sure you let those who call you know how much you appreciate their concern. Make a pact with other parents whenever you can to check in with each other and compare notes.

5. PREPARE FOR SCREW UPS. If your teenage blows it and makes a mistake it’s important to have a plan. If he gets behind the wheel of a car and he’s afraid to call you or a cab then everyone is in real danger. Start repeating this over and over to your teen. No matter when, where, or under what circumstances it happens, if you make a mistake and get into a situation where there are drugs or drinking, your parents will always come and get you anytime, anywhere with no questions asked.

If your teen is in a predicament where there is drinking taking place and she needs a way to extricate herself then give her a private code between the two of you that she can use when she calls home. She can call you and pretend to have an argument about why she should not come home. That way she can save face with her friends and maybe her life. Say this over and over because it could save some serious heartache.

If you make a habit of asking questions of your kids and their friend’s parents your kids may begin to wonder if you have eyes in the back of your head. They may be surprised to find out that you heard about so-and-so getting into trouble at the last party because your kids certainly weren’t going to share that with you. Being in-the-know is good for you and good for your kids.

Remember, your job is to keep your kids away from booze and drugs as long as possible. Studies have proven that the longer your child avoids alcohol and drugs the better chance they have of living a life free of its many painful consequences.